Imagine spotting a subtle facial twitch that could shatter your marriage—researchers claim it foretells divorce with a staggering 93.6% accuracy. It's a revelation that might just change how you view relationships forever. But here's where it gets personal: let me share my own hidden talent that kicks off this intriguing dive into human emotions.
I possess this remarkable, under-the-radar skill: in mere fractions of a second after laying eyes on someone, I can pinpoint precisely what they're experiencing inside. Annoyance? Distraction? Despair? Euphoria? Mourning? Concealing secrets? Deceiving others? It's both a gift and a burden.
Flash back to when I was just 11, sitting with my mom as we watched a TV documentary on the infamous Susan Smith tragedy. Mere days after claiming a 'carjacker' abducted her two young sons, Susan sobbed into the cameras at a press conference, pleading desperately for their safe return (you can watch a clip here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=injqWpqAOEg). 'She murdered them,' I blurted out, leaving my mom stunned. 'How on earth do you know that? Have you caught her on the news before?' 'Nope,' I replied simply. 'Her facial cues just don't add up.' As it turned out, Smith received a life sentence for drowning her children in a lake. And no, I'm not some mystical empath (for more on that, check out https://www.yourtango.com/self/art-being-empath-traits-people-feel-things-more-deeply). In fact, before my diagnosis with a dissociative disorder and extensive healing through EMDR therapy (read about my journey at https://medium.com/p/57a392de96bb), I even mistook myself for a sociopath. The real reason? Survivors of childhood trauma often develop hypervigilance—a heightened alertness to subtle signals like facial expressions (backed by studies like this one from Nature: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-53421-5). Think of it as an automatic survival mechanism, where every twitch or glance gets scrutinized to avoid danger.
This knack for decoding people swiftly and with eerie precision once saved my life. Unsurprisingly, I'm utterly captivated by facial cues. Recently, I tuned into Vanessa Van Edwards' MasterClass on 'People Intelligence: Read, Lead, and Influence Any Room' (grab it here: https://www.masterclass.com/classes/people-intelligence?irclickid=zXNXZdzjhxyKWRlXNX2VQxEqUkpTlI1nNWgh1Y0&utm_). Van Edwards, who describes herself as a former awkward soul (learn her tips at https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-stop-being-socially-nervous), dedicated years to mastering body language to boost her social edge. Her course empowers folks to become incredibly charismatic in settings like job interviews, networking events, and public speaking—strictly professional arenas. Yet, smack in the heart of her module on microexpressions, she unveils a startling insight about failing partnerships (explore signs at https://www.yourtango.com/love/concrete-signs-relationship-doomed-to-fail):
The emotion of contempt is the facial signal that predicts divorce with an astounding 94% accuracy.
'As pioneering marriage and family therapist Dr. John Gottman discovered through studying couples, the top indicator of divorce is the contempt microexpression. When one spouse displays it toward the other, there's a 93.6% chance they'll split up within years,' Van Edwards explains.
Dr. Gottman stands as a titan in relationship science, and she references his paper, 'How a Couple Views Their Past Predicts Their Future' (download it here: https://www.johngottman.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/How-a-couple-views-their-past-predicts-their-future-predicting-divorce-from-an-oral-history-interview.pdf). In essence, he conducted 15-minute chats with pairs about their shared history. If contempt surfaced from one, 9 out of 10 cases led to divorce in under three years.
And this is the part most people miss: microexpressions are notoriously elusive, with contempt being the toughest to interpret. These fleeting flashes—lasting under a second—are universal across cultures and impossible to fake, offering raw glimpses into true feelings, as Van Edwards details in her bestseller, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People (available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Captivate-Vanessa-Van-Edwards-audiobook/dp/B06XK2P1WG). You blink, and they're gone. But mastering them unlocks profound access to anyone's inner world.
For context, humans display seven core microexpressions: anger, disgust, joy, fear, surprise, sorrow, and contempt.
(Image credit: voronaman / Shutterstock)
On her site, Van Edwards provides a fun quiz (try it at https://quiz.scienceofpeople.com/facial-expressions) to gauge your reading skills. (I'll admit, as someone shaped by trauma, I aced it with flying colors.) By the time of Captivate's publication, over 22,000 folks had tested themselves—and contempt proved the biggest stumbling block, baffling 40% of participants.
Van Edwards notes that many mistake it for mere boredom or irony. But in truth, it conveys something far graver: scorn, derision, cynicism, even loathing. There's this underlying 'I'm superior' vibe. It forecasts divorce because, unlike other emotions, contempt lingers, morphing into outright disrespect and animosity. That's why, in the throes of a troubled marriage, you often see couples who can't even converse civilly.
So, how exactly do you spot contempt? And here's where it gets controversial: is this expression really an uncontrollable truth serum, or could cultural biases affect how we perceive it? Some might argue that what looks like contempt in one context is just a habit, sparking debates on whether it's fair to judge based on a split-second face.
RELATED: Psychologists Say This One Common Habit Predicts Divorce More Than Literally Anything Else (https://www.yourtango.com/love/common-habit-predicts-divorce-more-literally-anythinge-else)
Contempt shows up as a slight elevation of one cheek, tugging the lips asymmetrically—resembling a half-smile or sneer. The eyes might seem indifferent, but they're quietly critical.
When Van Edwards catches this uneven grimace during a negotiation, meeting, or talk, she pauses for clarification: 'Is everything clear here? Any questions or concerns?' A quick check often clears the air. But in long-term romances, banishing contempt demands more effort.
Dr. Gottman's work identifies the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse'—four toxic communication styles spelling doom for relationships (spot them at https://www.yourtango.com/love/spot-these-behaviors-relationship-frankly-serious-trouble)—and contempt ranks as the deadliest. 'It's driven by deep-seated negativity toward your partner, manifesting as assaults on their self-worth,' he says.
Typically, contempt sprouts from frustration: repeated letdowns breed resentment, leading you to doubt your partner's integrity.
And guess what? Contempt doesn't just wreck your bond—it harms you personally too. Research links it to a higher risk of catching illnesses (check this review: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/304246577CONFLICTRESOLUTIONSTYLESANDHEALTHOUTCOMESINMARRIEDCOUPLESASYSTEMATICLITERATURE_REVIEW) by taxing your immune defenses. The good news? It's fixable, though Dr. Gottman stresses it needs immediate and sustained changes in habits.
How to conquer contempt in your partnership
First, the person harboring contempt must vent constructively. Articulate the underlying frustrations and desires fueling it. Steer clear of 'you' statements that sound accusatory; opt for 'I' emotions and 'we' fixes instead:
'I feel undervalued and overlooked when I'm handling all the household chores alone. I could really use support with cooking, tidying, and childcare.'
'We've grown distant lately. What if we set aside an hour each evening without phones to reconnect?'
'Your critiques make me feel judged, and I need reassurance we're united as a team.'
'Your tardiness leaves me feeling unimportant, echoing my lonely childhood waits. Let's sync our schedules better.'
Next, foster an 'atmosphere of gratitude' (as Gottman calls it: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/). His mantra? 'Small acts frequently'—meaning consistent, heartfelt acknowledgments trump grand displays:
'By regularly sharing thanks, affection, warmth, and admiration for your partner, you build a resilient positive outlook that shields against negativity. The more upbeat your vibe, the harder contempt is to ignite.'
More for You:
Gottman's findings reveal a 'magic ratio' of five positive exchanges for every negative one (dive deeper at https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/). To revive your connection, aim for that balance.
Naturally, the simplest fix is nipping contempt in the bud. Having grown up in an environment rife with all four Horsemen traits nearly constantly (recognize them at https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/), I vowed never to repeat that cycle.
Nowadays, I rarely activate my special ability. No need—the partner I chose embodies kindness over hostility, thoughtfulness instead of impulsiveness, and care paired with open dialogue, never scorn.
I don't scan his features for signs of fury or tiptoe to avert outbursts. Quite the reverse: his gentle gaze and full, symmetrical smile soothe my anxieties. And with wisdom from Van Edwards and Gottman, as life tests our resolve, I'm armed with strategies to navigate it.
RELATED: Psychologists Say This One Common Habit Predicts Divorce More Than Literally Anything Else (https://www.yourtango.com/love/common-habit-predicts-divorce-more-literally-anythinge-else)
Maria Cassano (https://www.yourtango.com/users/mariacassano92) is a seasoned writer, editor, and journalist whose pieces have graced outlets like NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure.
Related Stories From YourTango:
This piece originally appeared on Medium (https://medium.com/the-virago/this-facial-expression-predicts-divorce-with-93-6-accuracy-868682d6219a). Reprinted with the author's blessing.
What do you think—is contempt truly the ultimate destroyer of marriages, or can love conquer even this? Have you ever noticed it in your relationships, and if so, how did you handle it? Do you believe microexpressions are an infallible window into emotions, or might they be misinterpreted? Weigh in below—I'm eager to hear your perspectives and spark a conversation!
